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Life is full of risks, so surely it’s time we got back to ‘normal life’ already

HAPPY Monday? Happy bloomin’ Monday?

You’ve got to be kidding me! At what stage did life become so insane that we’re expected to be pathetically, grovellingly grateful that we’re allowed to stand in a back garden with our own mums?

But not hug them. Oh no. That will definitely end up slaughtering thousands of grannies/nurses on the front line so make sure you keep at least six foot apart from a pensioner who is vaccinated, fighting fit but fending off all kinds of mental-health demons.

None of it makes any damn sense. Why do we have to wait another seven weeks before we’re “allowed” to have some semblance of “normal” life?

Albeit with pieces of cloth plastered to our faces and dark warnings of lockdown number 356 (or whatever we’ll be up to then) drilled into our terrified, exhausted, desperate brains.

A question I’ve asked a million times is how, when we have the vaccine, can SAGE models predict a worse outbreak than the (non-existent) one we had last summer?

Think we actually know the answer though, don’t we? It’s because our “leaders” are terrified of us thinking they’re useless clowns and blaming them. Ahem. None of what we’re ­enduring now is to protect your granny/the NHS/your health. It’s all to protect their prissy little backsides, save their pensions and stop them facing a court inquiry.

When this started SAGE’s Scientific Pandemic Insights Group on Behaviours recommended Bozo & co deliberately used “psychological-operations techniques” to change behaviour.

In short, to use the media and advertising to terrify the living daylights out the population.

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A new poll has revealed that the Government’s appalling zombie nation advertising has had a shocking impact on mental health. Over 15% of respondents reported depression, anxiety and fear as a direct result of the “stop murdering your loved ones” messaging.

Nationally over 12million people’s mental health has been damaged. But hey let’s all celebrate that we can go swimming in the open air and enjoy golf and tennis. All of which had zero proof of spreading any infection, let alone Covid (though to be fair golf does cause an outbreak of shockingly bad clothing).

Standing on a chilly river bank this Sunday to watch the Boat Race could see you fined £200.

Meanwhile, outside a school in Batley, Yorkshire, a group of men are allowed to crowd together and shout while the ­police stand by and watch. Only real ­surprise was that the coppers didn’t take the bloody knee while they were at it.

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The Government, headed by a man who can’t even put his socks on properly after sex with a floosie, now has LEGAL control over every aspect of what you do.

Even down to the fact that a couple getting married who don’t live together are, technically, breaking the law if they kiss at the ceremony.

The new advertising campaign launched this week has the patronising “Hands, Face, Space and Fresh Air” OR ELSE message.

Again the underlying warning was that WE ARE NOT SAFE! That everything we do carries RISK.

Well, it always has done. This is called life. And it’s for living.

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